Rethinking “Sex Addiction”: Understanding Out of Control Sexual Behavior
Most of us have heard the term sex addiction. Sometimes it’s used casually, sometimes with judgement, and often without much understanding. But what if the word addiction isn’t the best way to explain what’s really going on?
A Different Perspective on “Sex Addiction”
Instead of calling it an addiction, many experts use the term Out of Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB).
OCSB doesn’t mean someone’s sexuality is “bad” or “broken.” It describes what it feels like when sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors:
Feel overwhelming or hard to manage
Keep happening even after you’ve tried to stop
Lead to shame, stress, or problems in daily life
Don’t match up with your personal values or goals
This approach is different from the old “addiction” model because it focuses on your experience rather than labeling you. It says: You’re not an addict—you’re a person who feels out of control right now, and that can change.
Why Words Matter
Calling someone a “sex addict” can feel dehumanizing, as if their worth comes down to one part of their life. That kind of labeling often increases shame and isolation—the very things that make change harder.
The OCSB framework aims to replace judgment with compassion. It focuses on helping people understand themselves, realign their choices with their values, and build healthier intimacy.
In my personal and professional life, I’ve noticed a lot of negative talk and stereotypes around sex addiction. These often dehumanize people, labeling them as “good” or “bad” based only on their behaviors. This not only isolates individuals but also discourages them from seeking the help and connection they need.
That’s why I want to highlight some of the myths about Out of control Sexual Behavior and what the research says.
Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Myths vs. Facts
Myth 1: “Out of Control Sexual Behavior is extremely rare.”
Truth: A large global study found about 5% of people may struggle with compulsive sexual behavior—similar to the rates of depression and anxiety. You’re definitely not alone.
Myth 2: “It’s just a high sex drive.”
Truth: Having a strong sex drive is normal and healthy for some people. OCSB is different—it’s about feeling a loss of control and distress, not simply desire.
Myth 3: “It only happens to men.”
Truth: Women experience OCSB too, though stigma and shame often keep them from talking about it. Research suggests up to 7% of women report feeling out of control with sexual behavior.
Myth 4: “People with OCSB are predators.”
Truth: Most people dealing with these struggles are not dangerous. Their behaviors may cause harm in relationships (like lying or secrecy), but that doesn’t mean criminal behavior.
Myth 5: “Being married should fix it.”
Truth: Commitment doesn’t cure OCSB. Many people in long-term relationships still feel out of control in private.
Myth 6: “Recovery means no sex ever again.”
Truth: The goal isn’t lifelong celibacy—it’s healthy sexuality. Sometimes short breaks are helpful, but recovery is about building intimacy and behaviors that feel safe, aligned, and fulfilling.
Myth 7: “It’s all about willpower—therapy won’t help.”
Truth: Research shows therapy does help. Tools like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), trauma-informed therapy, mindfulness, and motivational interviewing give people the structure and support they need to make lasting changes.
Moving Forward
If you’ve ever felt like your sexual behavior was out of control, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken.
The OCSB model offers a way forward that is less about labels and more about compassion. Recovery isn’t about being “good” or “bad.” It’s about understanding yourself, reconnecting with your values, and building the kind of intimacy and sexual expression that feels right for you.
ABOUT
BETHANY DUPPER
If you’re seeking a safe, supportive space to grow & heal, Bethany is here to help. She specializes in addiction, relationship challenges, anxiety, depression & trauma.
Citations:
Braun-Harvey, D., & Vigorito, M. A. (2016). Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction. Springer.
AASECT (2016). Position Statement on Sex Addiction. American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors & Therapists.
World Health Organization (2019). ICD-11: Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder.
Dickenson, J., Gleason, N., Coleman, E., & Miner, M. H. (2018). Prevalence of distress linked to sexual urges, thoughts, and behaviors in the U.S. JAMA Network Open, 1(7), e184468.
Reid, R. C., & Kafka, M. P. (2014). Controversies about hypersexual disorder and the DSM-5. Current Sexual Health Reports, 6(4), 259–264.
